:: intellectualized ::

I’m a having a nice, long weekend. Didn’t have to work yesterday, no work today, more than likely no work on Monday (I will decide tomorrow). Yesterday was spent doing pretty much nothing, getting some info at school (let me see if I can get my act in order again), and reading G�nter Grass‘ My Century. Today I did pretty much the same, finished the book, and only went out to get some stuff I left at the office (and then went running at the gym). I have not worked at all on creating a new look for this page; I’m not interested.

Today my mum brought me the latest issue of STUFF magazine. She got it for me cause SHERYL CROW is on the cover and she knows that I love that woman. Normally I wouldn’t even bother to check that rag; it seems dumb, sexist, and simply not appealing to me. This issue, however, is damn good. Besides all the nice pics (though I find the pseudo-porn to be a bit boring, gimme the real thing), there are some hilarious articles, and a pretty interesting interview with porno
legend Richard Pacheco, which actually gives some depth to this particular issue. Maybe I will put my prejudice aside (not always I can be reading “deep” stuff or science periodicals) and check this rag more frequently.

I wonder if I won the seven million in tonight’s lotto. I’d use part of it to go on this six month cruise that I saw in one of my mum’s magazines (goes to all of Europe, Australia, and plenty of places in Asia…), wouldn’t that be the bomb?

I haven’t heard or received an e-mail from a certain someone. And I am missing that certain someone. Too bad that this certain someone obviously doesn’t give much of a shite about me, otherwise I would’ve at least gotten a beep on my two-way pager. Well, Mazzy Starr’s “Fade Into You” plays in the background again. I feel like listening to some country. Where are my Garth Brooks CDs?

Well, who’d have thought? Even I got a nice Valentine’s present today. It actually was very meaningful, as the lady who gave it to me provided it with plenty of significance. It was just a nice long letter discussing a lotta of intellectual and emotional topics that the two of us had previously deconstructed. Along with it was the soundtrack to A Beautiful Mind, which she knows is a favourite of mine. I have been an admirer of John Nash’s work for the past four years (since my days as a Math major) and this young lady has even compared me to this idol of mine. In any case, let me not make a whole deal out of this. It was a very meaningful present and I loved it. It also made me aware of the fact that there is still someone out there who cherishes me and my crazy mind.

I am more than ready to go to bed, very tired indeed. Just listening to Bebel Gilberto to help me take my mind away from other people and topics. The song “Tanto Tempo” applies so well to me. I asked this question yesterday; for how long can someone wait on another person’s feelings, or the hope that they will surface someday? I looked at the one I love(d) today and I saw almost nothing. I looked and then I saw the truth… My love had faded into someone else’s manipulative little mind. The feeling was never going to be reciprocated and I kept on holding on. It simply felt so good to be free. Even though I still don’t know what to do with myself.

Changing to a more serious subject, I am witnessing a fatal accident almost every single morning on my way to work. Three of them this week caused by fucking mad truck drivers. What is wrong with these assholes? Big bullies on the road thinking life is a Playstation 2 game or something? Just two weeks ago a truck was going so fast that it flipped on its side and crushed two cars heading in the opposite direction. Last Friday another mad muthafucka killed three people in a van when he lost control (because he was going way too fast on a road that is too fucking narrow) and sideswiped this van carrying some poor construction workers. Then today this truck misses me and this other lady as we waited for the left signal to change at the entrance of the expressway. He must have missed us by a millionth of a millimeter. Hot damn! How can just anybody be trusted to drive a machine as big and dangerous? From today on I’m gonna start writing the license plates of any fucking trucker who does something stupid on the road. According to statistics (the most recent, as of Friday) one person dies on a Florida road every three minutes! That is just FUCKED up. People have no respect for life, even their own? Anyways, enough ranting on a subject that I probably can’t change.

Now, moving to a more frivolous subject, I love the new look on Anna’s page. Simple, clean, peachy, and those pictures of her at the top make it simply beautiful. I like that filter that she used; the pics look like they’re from the 20’s or something. The beauty that you find at sites like hers are the result of perfect genes and raw talent. Oh, and I love her writing. I think I finally found a new favourite. But, then again, HUNY would not host just anyone. She always picks the best. OK now, I am out like a light.

I don’t understand people sometimes. Actually I don’t want to. Lately people are often telling me that I am a mean guy. At work they say that whenever discipline needs to be administered (such as suspending an employee) I actually enjoy it. Whenever they need a “good cop – bad cop” sorta approach, whether with the union or a problematic individual, I am the bad one. One of the guys I supervise says that if I had been a female I would have been a money hungry ho. My best friend called me a “dickhead” today. In other words, I am an ass according to the most recent survey. Yet whenever someone needs advice, either for a professional or personal matter, I am the one to turn to. Whenever one of my “subordinates” (and I hate that word) has an “issue” they come to my office and pour their heart out. During Christmas I got lots of presents and cards telling me how I am the “bomb” as a supervisor.
When they were thinking of splitting the unit and assigning new bosses to some of my people they had a fit. Then which one am I really? The ass or the friend? The cool guy or the evil MF? The neurotic bastard or the best buddy?

I don’t care to be considered nice; nice people are boring. Yet I don’t want to be categorised as a “mean” or “cold” individual. I don’t like those labels. If I actually had any feelings that would hurt me. Problem is that I DO. I guess I have been just a little more sensitive than usual and sometimes I allow my mean streak to take over. I hate that. One of these days it is gonna cause me trouble. Well, I am the one who has to work on that. Bygones…

JS’s puppy died yesterday. That is very sad, it really sucks. He was just a little baby, probably eight weeks or so. The last time I saw him he looked so happy and full of life. I know that a big guy like him is not supposed to be much affected by stuff like this but I am sure that it did get to him. When my kitty passed last thanksgiving I was so mad and hurt that I even questioned my own faith in a higher being. But that is a topic for another entry. I guess it is just not very good to become attached to people, things, or anything in life. In the long run we always wind up being hurt.

Let me move on to a not too deep subject. I received a free upgrade to windows XP. I dunno if I really like the bubble-like type of look. But just because of the increased security that it supposedly includes I will give it a shot. I also received my Suzanne Vega CD, Songs In Red and Grey, this woman is just an amazing songwriter, an incredibly intelligent artist, a gifted vocalist. I LOVE this album. I had all of its tracks on mp3 thanks to Audio Galaxy, but I had to have the real thing and support one of my favourite artists. My $15.99 are very much worth every penny.

Now it is almost time to watch Ally McBeal. She was “gifted” last week with a new daughter. Now she is about to be made partner at her firm (Peter McNichol is being phased out, as he no longer wants to be part of the show). Jon Bon Jovi is her new love interest (she sniffed his butt three weeks ago; you can only know what that means if you’ve actually seen the series). I am wondering where the show is heading, it could be a good direction (yet nothing can probably match the season with Robert Downey Jr.). In any case, this is still my favourite TV programme, given that the X files is over once this seasons ends (I hope I can recover from that).

Anyways, there’s todays entry. Summarized: me the neurotic, mean, nice, good guy, bad guy, music, sad news, and TV shows. All these goodies at one site with no design! Isn’t that mazing? Maybe I should come up with a damned new layout for it. Goodnight now.